steve kwan user experience designer

Lessons learned in the field

(February 7th, 2005 - 11:39PM)

Below is my attempt to disseminate some of the most valuable lessons I've learned to younger (ha!) engineers in the field. All of the following suggestions are based off of first-hand experience. Or second-hand. Or maybe I'm making it up.

• It doesn't matter if it's a joke, an observation, a fact or a slip of the tongue: never call your boss or client fat.
  
  
• Drinking on the job is not that big a deal, as long as your boss doesn't know about it.
  
  
• If you want sympathy from your employer, try collapsing from exhaustion in the office.
  
  
• If you call in for a sick day, it really doesn't matter what reason you give. You can just make up an ailment and they'll give you the day off. I once told my boss I had Avian Flu.
  
  
• Always pretend you're stupid. And if you really are stupid, pretend you're pretending.
  
  
• Convince your boss that MSN is a productivity tool.
  
  
• Be wary of people whose jobs can be easily automated by a small program you could write.
  
  
• Avoid communicating by phone when you can communicate by e-mail or MSN.
  
  
• Read articles in computer periodicals and quote them to fellow engineers. They'll think you're a genius.
  
  
• Listen to music while programming.