archives jun.2006

miscellaneous humour

Get a Mac? Not likely.

(June 29th, 2006 - 7:09PM)

Surely you've seen Apple's "clever" new line of ads featuring John Hodgman and some punkass. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, the image below should refresh your memory.

"Get a Mac"?  Not likely.

HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S SO FUNNY! Look at how stodgy and boring the human representation of Windows is! And look at how cool and casual the human representation of the Mac is! You know he's better, because he's not even wearing a suit! It's like he doesn't care! Brilliant!

Oh, but there's just one problem. In reality, the ad should read more like this.

"Get a Mac" in reality.

It turns out that in the real world, "being cool" isn't enough.

entertainment/movies

Next summer the greatest battle lies within

(June 27th, 2006 - 10:18PM)

Spider-Man 3 teaser trailer

miscellaneous

Today's lesson

(June 27th, 2006 - 10:14PM)

Do not eat the balsamic vinegar flavoured ice cream.

entertainment/music/damselfly entertainment/tv

Aw, I missed him again

(June 25th, 2006 - 11:01PM)

For some reason, Lisa from Damsel Fly has taken to calling me "Polkaroo." Curious. I decided to look it up. From Wikipedia:

Each day's episode had a particular theme. On "Imagination Day", the character Polkaroo appeared. The actor playing Polkaroo donned a tall, green plush costume that resembled a kangaroo. In its mended, yellow and multi-coloured polka-dot muumuu, the creature never spoke other than the occasional exclamation of its own name. Polkaroo appeared only to one host while the other was away, performing a pantomime whose meaning was guessed by the audience. The missing host would return upon Polkaroo's departure, habitually exclaiming, "Aw, I missed him again." (Although there is a common belief that the absent host was in the Polkaroo costume, this has never been confirmed by anyone associated with the show.)

Here's the full Wikipedia article on Polkaroo.

This raises all sorts of interesting questions. For example, why does Lisa think I'm the Polkaroo? I assume because she never actually sees me - she only reads about me and hears about me - and every time she has the opportunity to see me, she misses out.

The alternate explanation is that Lisa, in an alcohol-induced hallucination, has mistaken me for a seven foot tall green kangaroo. Plausible, but I think the first explanation makes more sense.

I think the real question here is why a rockstar is making reference to a thirty year old children's television show. That's hardcore, Lisa - real hardcore.

Which reminds me: Buy Damsel Fly's album on iTunes.

politics/canadian politics/american

10 reasons why gay marriage should be illegal

(June 25th, 2006 - 12:17PM)

Below is a re-post of something I found on the Internet. I'm not sure where it originated from, but I found it here.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

 

Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage.

entertainment/tv/tna

Fake, but fantastic

(June 24th, 2006 - 5:05PM)

Don't get me wrong: I don't like professional wrestling. It's a charade of a sport, and only simple-minded rednecks get all worked up about it. I immediately lose all respect for anyone who calls himself a pro wrestling fan.

...

...Oh, who am I kidding? I love pro wrestling! I love watching two amazing athletes pretend to beat the crap out of each other, not because they necessarily want to win a match, but because they want to entertain me. I've been searching for TNA matches on YouTube, and I found the following three-way between Christopher Daniels, Samoa Joe and A.J. Styles. It's mind-blowing.

entertainment/music/damselfly vancouver

Damsel Fly kicked my ass

(June 21st, 2006 - 10:17PM)

While you losers were watching reruns of House last night, I was watching Damsel Fly play in the 2006 Seeds finals at The Roxy. And it rocked. On Monday, we'll find out who wins the Seeds contest. Stay tuned!

On an unrelated note, I'm going to try using the word tarnation more.

entertainment/music/damselfly vancouver

Damsel Fly rocks The Roxy

(June 19th, 2006 - 10:45AM)

Damsel Fly will play at 99.3 The Fox's Showcase Showdown @ The Roxy

The date: Tue. June 20th, 2006

The time: 7:30PM

Damsel Fly plays in 99.3 The Fox's 2006 Seeds finals! If they win...they are the winners! So be there and cheer them on!

software/hci internet/webdesign

<div> vs. <table> (Part 1/2)

(June 17th, 2006 - 1:01AM)

A recent conversation with Richard sparked my interest in writing this article. He was asking my opinion on whether it was okay to build a site layout using tables instead of <div>s. Here are my thoughts. But first, a bit of background.

How websites have evolved

In the beginning, Tim Berners-Lee created the World Wide Web, and the people filled it with textual content, and He saw that it was good. In many ways, I miss the good old days when you could go to any website - even websites for big companies - and get black text on a gray background. Easily readable, even by your grandmother.

But then the Web got pretty. People realized that Web pages can be more than just documents of text. HTML allows you to embed tables in your pages, and with a bit of Web wizardry you can use said tables to break a page into sections. A page could be a table with two columns: the leftmost column is your content, and the rightmost column is your navigation. How cool!

Before long, designers were using tables to make pretty, professional websites. No longer was the Web just a repository for documents. We owe a lot to the <table> innovation, because this allowed us to look at the World Wide Web from a more aesthetic viewpoint. Unfortunately, structuring a website with tables has some problems.

First and foremost, it's unnatural. Tables are meant to store rows and columns of data, not to format document layout. Building a website out of tables is like designing graphics using Microsoft Excel. The tool isn't right for the job.

Second, very rarely is a webpage built with a single, simple table. Table-based pages are often constructed from a whole orgy of tables nested inside each other. This results in an inflexible design and a maintenance nightmare. Below is a screenshot of the Eloquent Systems Inc. website with the tables and cells outlined. (It's interesting to note that this site was designed in late 2005, and still employs the dated tables technique; this is a good illustration of how prevalent this technique has become.)

The Eloquent Systems Inc. website with tables and cells outlined.

Third, table-based pages have major accessibility problems. Blind users, for example, use computer speech readers to browse the Web. They don't surf the Web visually like most of us; rather, they experience it in audial form. When pages are broken down into tons of rows and cells for purely visual purposes, speech readers get confused and often can't recite the content as it was meant to be presented. This is a good example of how table-based sites violate a very important design principle: always separate data from presentation. Which leads us to the <div> technique.

<div> and Cascading Style Sheets

With the advent of Cascading Style Sheets (CSS), we gained the ability to completely separate presentation from data in our HTML. This gave us a lot more flexibility. You could now replace your website's stylesheet and give the user a completely different experience. For examples, see my alternate styles at the top of this page.

When making extensive use of CSS, you no longer need to use tables for presentation. You can replace that orgy of tables with a slightly less crowded orgy of <div> elements instead. (Note: Although you can use pretty much any element, <div> has become a de facto standard for this method.)

Despite being available for many years, the <div> method still hasn't been entirely adopted. This is unfortunate, but not entirely surprising. It turns out that it's a lot harder to build a website using only <div>s than using tables. A whole myriad of problems occur when you replace the reliable rigidity of tables with the flexibility of <div>s. I'll discuss that more in part 2.

What you've read so far may be mostly review if you're familiar with Web development. If that's the case, you're probably snickering to yourself because Steve is posting common knowledge that's been known for years on his site. Snicker away, you bastard. I'll try to make part 2 more inventive.

This article is continued as <div> vs. <table> (Part 2/2).

personal/home humour

Calling all roommates

(June 16th, 2006 - 10:05PM)

DISH MAINTENANCE
A haiku by Steve Kwan

"Please do the dishes
I know that they are not mine
Thank you very much."

Be glad you don't live with me.

entertainment/movies

Universally acclaimed movies that I didn't like

(June 14th, 2006 - 10:05PM)

There are some movies so good that they're loved by everyone. They stick in your mind and change the way you view the world. These are those movies, and this is why I hate them.

Crash

Brendan Fraser + Sandra Bullock + Matt Dillon + Ryan Phillippe + Ludacris + Tony Danza = Oscar winner for Best Picture? In which parallel universe does this happen?

This movie just seemed way too hokey for me. It felt more like a public service announcement than a feature length film. And most of the acting was wooden. Of course, that's what you'd expect from the names mentioned above. Terence Howard, Thandie Newton and Michael Pena turned in solid performances, but Thandie Newton's was ruined by some awful dialogue early on.

I just think that this movie wasn't half as brilliant as it was made out to be.

Capote

Anyone with a television or a functioning neocortex knew that Philip Seymour Hoffman was going to win Best Actor honours at this year's Oscar awards. And he did. But why?

I went into Capote expecting PSH to turn in a performance that would knock me on the floor. Was I ever disappointed. If there's one thing to learn from Capote, it's that there are only three steps to becoming a critical success:

  1. Slick your hair back
  2. Wear gigantic glasses
  3. Talk like there's a rubber band wrapped around your testicles.

Brokeback Mountain

A classic love story, or just a script in the right place at the right time? If Brokeback Mountain involved a man and a woman, people would realize it's just a slow movie with Jake Gyllenhaal.

The Passion of the Christ

I haven't even seen this movie, and I've already decided I don't like it.

The Godfather

Yeah, that's right. I don't like The Godfather. Peter Griffin and I have something in common.

According to Metacritic, The Godfather has an average rating of 100%. That's some pretty high praise. Not to mention that this movie is single-handedly responsible for almost half of American pop culture. So surely anyone who criticizes this movie must be a little bit insane. Well, here goes.

The acting was good...I guess. The story was good...I guess. And the script was good...I guess. Overall, it's very hard for me to identify precisely why I'm not a big fan of this movie. Maybe it's because I was so used to all of The Godfather's clichés that by the time I actually saw it, I couldn't appreciate how unique it was at the time it was made. Or maybe it's because all of the dramatic moments - the horse head in the bed, the shooting in the restaurant, the retribution at the end of the movie - felt just a bit awkward, so it failed to draw me in during these crucial moments. Or maybe it's because this movie has the longest and most unnecessary flashback ever. For whatever reason, I don't think The Godfather is the perfect movie.

stevekwandotcom personal/home

Once again, I apologize for the downtime

(June 12th, 2006 - 8:52PM)

I think my lousy router is the cause of these problems. I'm considering replacing it.

entertainment/games

I came here only to kill you

(June 11th, 2006 - 6:35PM)

Whoa. Prey is going to rock.

Download the trailer

entertainment/games

Quick reviews for The Longest Journey, Dreamfall, and Hitman: Blood Money

(June 11th, 2006 - 2:29AM)

The Longest Journey

* * * * 1/2
(4.5 / 5 stars)

One sentence summary: An excellent old-school adventure game with a fantastic story.

Dreamfall: The Longest Journey

* * * 1/2
(3.5 / 5 stars)

One sentence summary: The Longest Journey's sequel has just as great a story as the original, but also has weak gameplay and leaves too many questions unanswered.

Hitman: Blood Money

* * 1/2
(2.5 / 5 stars)

One sentence summary: It's just as well executed as its predecessors, but breaks no new ground.

entertainment/music/damselfly vancouver

A winner is you, Damsel Fly!

(June 8th, 2006 - 9:00PM)

Damsel Fly just won the first round of CFOX's 2006 Seeds contest! Thanks for your support!

entertainment/music/damselfly vancouver

Damsel Fly for President

(June 7th, 2006 - 3:42PM)

Vote for Damsel Fly on 99.3 The Fox's cage match at 8:00PM, June 8th 2006!

Damsel Fly is in the running to win 99.3 The Fox's 2006 Seeds contest! Give them a hand by voting for Damsel Fly at 8:00PM on June 8th, 2006.

The Damsel Fly official site

entertainment/games

Review: Half-Life 2: Episode One

(June 1st, 2006 - 10:48PM)

Half-Life 2: Episode One
Alyx is back, and this time she doesn't find convenient excuses to leave you alone for hours on end.

* * * *
(4 / 5 stars)

One sentence summary: Short, but sweet.

I've been waiting since 2004 for more Half-Life, and today I finally got it. Unfortunately, I was able to beat it in a single sitting.

Half-Life 2: Episode One is the first in a series of short episodes that take place after Half-Life 2's ending. The idea behind episodic gaming is to release game content in smaller chunks, rather than in single large releases. And Episode One doesn't disappoint: it's certainly a small chunk.

Things I liked about Half-Life 2: Episode One:

  • The gameplay is just as good as Half-Life 2's, and that alone is a major accomplishment.
  • Having Alyx by your side throughout most of the game makes for some fun shootouts. I was particularly impressed by her AI; not once did she get stuck on a wall or on the other side of a door. I went out of my way to look for shortcomings in her behaviour, but didn't find any.
  • The game is packed full of memorable shootouts and sequences. It seems like the high points came faster and more frequently than in Half-Life 2. Maybe the developers didn't feel the pressure to lengthen the game by adding fluff, and just put in good stuff.
  • Alyx's character is developed substantially.
  • It has HDR lighting.
  • As always, the Source engine's performance is stunning. It's been over a year since it was released, and it still outperforms every other engine I've seen. Even with the resolution cranked up and HDR enabled, the game runs at a solid framerate.

Things I didn't like about Half-Life 2: Episode One:

  • It's short, even by episode standards. I was able to beat this game in about four hours. Can a game that short justify a $20 price tag? That's steep, even for Half-Life.
  • It took Valve forever to release this episode. According to GameSpot, Episode One was confirmed on April 8th, 2005. And it just came out today. Does that mean we'll have to wait equally long for Episode Two? I don't want to wait more than a year for four hours of gameplay.
  • It's a Steam game.
  • It's very easy, especially considering that Alyx is invincible. In most cases, you can just sit back and let her do all the fighting.
  • As good as Episode One is, I can't help but feel that it's just more of the same.
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