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The Crazy Roommate Project
Now, as most of you have been told, I have a crazy roommate. You've likely heard me bitch and moan about how he's absolutely bonkers, and obsessive-compulsive beyond reason. I secretly suspect that most of you don't believe me. You might even think that I'm the one with the problem here. Well, my roommate and I had a bit of a talk, and to make a long story short, I'm moving out. Since I don't have to worry about his reprisal now, I am launching the Crazy Roommate Project.
The Crazy Roommate Project is a scientific experiment, and like all scientific experience, it has a hypothesis: to prove that my roommate is completely crazy. My roommate - let's call him Osama, which isn't his real name - has done some nutty things, and I have photograph evidence against him. Let's begin.
Exhibit A: Bathroom weirdness
(click on photos to enlarge)
A brief description of the pictures above, from left to right:
1) Decorative towels. These are towels that have been in the bathroom since
I moved in three months ago. They have not moved. They have remained neatly
folded and on the rock since then. They are purely decorative.
2) Shower squeegee. This is a squeegee used for the sole purpose of wiping
the shower doors, windows and tiles after using the shower.
3) Rags for the mirror and counter. Look closely in this picture; there are
two rags. The one on the left is for wiping the mirror. The one on the right
is for wiping the counter. It is very important to Osama that these two towels
don't get mixed up, because, in his own words, the mirror and counter will "start
to smell."
Now, you're probably thinking, "Steve, that's a little odd, but I wouldn't go so far as to say he's crazy." Well, then, nonbelievers, let's proceed to the next exhibit.
Exhibit B: Plug it in, plug it in
(click on photos to enlarge)
Smells seem to be a big problem for Osama. He insists on plugging air fresheners
into most of the outlets in the house. From left to right:
1) An outlet in the hall.
2) An outlet in the bathroom.
3) An outlet in...my bedroom?! This air freshener was cleverly concealed behind
my laundry hamper.
Exhibit C: Ghost town
(click photos to enlarge)
Osama makes sure that all bases are covered. As well as everything else. From
left to right:
1) A couch, covered by a sheet.
2) Another sheeted couch. This is like living with someone's creepy grandmother.
3) In case you're wondering what that is, that's a Shaw digital cable box covered
by a sheet. Why? I'm not sure, maybe he wants to keep dust off the thing.
4) The contents of the fridge are all resting on paper towels.
Exhibit D: Diary of a madman
(click photo to enlarge)
And here's the most damning piece of evidence. Like all artists, Osama has a definitive masterpiece: the note shown above. He refuses to bother me in person about his cleanliness issues and chooses to leave notes around the house instead (I think he fears confrontation). I found the note above in the bathroom one day. It reads:
"PLEASE Steve RINSE WHOLE SHOWER (All tiles/Window Ledge/Doors)
EVERYTIME After Shower Before SQUEEGING (Doors/Window ledge/Tub
Edges) All over tub
* Lots of Body Hair & Weird Yellow Stuff?)"
Conclusion:
I hope no doubt is left in your mind that my roommate is crazy. Well,
at least I'm moving out soon.
